Hammered Sunshine

Please let the sun bathe me today, I think, throwing up the bed-sheets, searching for  my elastic hair-band under my pillow. Please let it.

I feel tired, with all the rain

slipping into my soul and watering dark corners

where scraggly weeds grow.

 

I am drowsy, sickened hearing the continuous

thrums of the voices chanting in cacophony,

in symphony, in harmony, in the most dreadful of

melodies, telling me to hurry up 

get on with life there is little time to waste i told you would

regret not waking up early, regret not eating lesser for lunch,

regret not studying for that test, regret not packing your ruler in your pencil case,

regret not accepting help when hands were extended to you,

regret yelling at your mother, your father,

your brother, your dog,

myself.

 

I am angry; boiling rage simmers within me and

licks of it escape via nostrils and ear-holes and dilated pupils,

flashes of red and smoke unfurling from my fingers and words as

heavy and as hot as coal volley out of my mouth;

broken lips, broken lips

I chap my own lips and scratch my own throat with curses and with

sarcasm as harsh as the

glare of the sun.

 

I regret. I sink into an oblivion that threatens to swallow me whole,

oh dear, mom please help I’m sorry dad I should never have said that

God I didn’t mean to stick my middle finger up to Heaven. I really

didn’t.

And I regret, please. In my teary rage and depression,

all I saw was grey slates and red skies and blossoming guilt

blooming in front of my eyes

like some kind of ugly flower.

 

I just wanted sunshine to hammer into my soul

and screw it into my brain

and feel it deep in my heart and my rib-cage amidst the thumping of life processes;

I just wanted to feel the sunshine.

i’m sorry.

 

image source

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s