I think that I’m utterly idiotic.
Today my mom called me
indirectly insulted insinuated that I’m bottom-heavy and at first, I was like, that’s cool.
Because being slightly pear-shaped shouldn’t be a problem; I love pears and I eat them at an alarmingly fast rate when I can get my hands on a carton of the green, organic fruit. Of course, I manage to space them out.
Once a day. (Or twice a day fruity indulgence). I do love my pears; we’re an insep(E)arable pair!
Okay, what the hell, I have to stop with the pear puns.
But the reason why I got upset with my mom’s comment in the end was because:
I eat healthily. Really, I do. Yet the dispearity (shit. sorry) between my body size and another person’s body size, another person who eats much more junk food than I do, is enormous.
I am the enormous part. They are the slender, lithe part version. 😦
I refused to drink Pepsi today. And I also felt like I’d committed some heinous crime when I consumed four mini slices of pizza.
(On the bright side…I realized how delicious pepperoni pizza can be? HOW?)
Basically, I’m getting insecurities about the way my body looks…now. At an ideal time, actually, because we’re hitting the cusp of school-almost done with school! The doors to my heart are fully open to the holidays! And more lazing around.
More afternoons reading books and refusing to get out of the house despite telling myself, very clearly, and firmly, and sternly, to go to the gym at least twice a week, now that my hands are wrung dry of the hellish examinations.
Aye. Lord help me. I will need the help.
Whatever. I’m cool with the way my body looks. I’ll just…you know, learn to be more disciplined and work harder to look the way I want to. I’m going to be honest: I’m like a really unloyal husband when it comes to keeping trim and looking fit. I ‘cheat’ all the time, telling myself that I’m tired or it’s raining or I’m just not ‘in the mood’ to go have foot-sex with the treadmill today.
I never uphold my part of the marriage. I vow to keep healthy, but only do the eating part–sure, I gobble down fruits and veggies like there’s no tomorrow (when in actuality, there is a tomorrow, where I gorge on aloe vera yogurt with pineapple slices), but I don’t make use of all the healthy ‘gasoline’, or nutrients in my body, by exercising.
I guess I’m getting what I deserve, eh?